Living-Mindfully

Eight videos discussing eMindful's Mindfulness @ Work Program

2012-02-06T08:30:00.000-08:00

This is a brand spanking new eight-part short video series with Dr. Ruth Wolever, Director of Research, Duke Integrative Medicine and eMindful's Chief Scientific Officer. She discusses eMindful's highly effective Mindfulness at Work™ program.

I am so honored to be on eMindful's M@W teaching team and seeing for myself how it is changing corporate employee's lives. The stories my own students in these classes tell me literally have brought me to tears.

Please share this with anyone you feel may benefit. Thank you!

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Suzanne Matthiessen, C.Ht.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Living-Mindfully Blog

Twitter: @livemindfully

Gratitude and Appreciation

2012-01-10T09:49:00.000-08:00

I was just sent this extremely moving video and I want to share it with everyone. Filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg spoke at a TEDx Conference in San Francisco last year and premiered his short film to that audience.

If you need a re-minder of the miracles that take place every day right in front of your eyes, please watch this.

If you have ever found yourself taking your life - and the people in it - for granted, if you have ever wanted to find a way to "kill some time" in a day because you don't know what to do with yourself, if you've ever sat around holding "oh-poor-me" victimhood/self-pity parties, if you ever wasted a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade ... or more ... by being hateful, dishonest, lazy, abusive, entitled, jealous, bored, vindictive, unmotivated, selfish, arrogant, numbed out, enabling or any of the dark attitudes that keep you from experiencing gratitude and appreciation regardless of the challenges you have faced - and finding beauty, meaning and purpose and reflecting it back into the world in your own unique way - please watch this.

If you know of any person whom the above may describe who seriously needs a kick in the pants, please share this with them.

If you are not touched by what you see, I feel for you. If you are only touched for a moment then get sucked right back into the same old status quo, I feel for you.

If you are touched to a point of action, of change, of re-awakening to the things that truly matter in life, I am happy for you.

If you are as deeply moved after viewing this as I was, please share it with everyone you know.

Thank you so much for your time.

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Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Living-Mindfully Blog

A Mindful Minute™ Blog

Twitter: @livemindfully

"A Mindful Minute"

2012-01-01T11:02:00.000-08:00

Happy 2012 everyone!

In honor of new beginnings, I have just opened the door to my new blog called "A Mindful Minute™" - a short daily mindfulness "re-minder" practice that you can have sent to your in box each day, or bookmark to visit at your convenience.

Each post consists of a mindfulness-oriented quote, as well as a short practice that brings in the flavor of that quote. Simply read it, close your eyes, take it all in, and move into your day with a sense of mindful awareness. :)

To visit the new blog and to subscribe, please click this link.

Best wishes for health and happiness to you and yours throughout the year!

Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Living-Mindfully Blog

A Mindful Minute™ Blog

Twitter: @livemindfully

Integrity and Impeccability: Part Two: Choosing Impeccability

2011-12-28T08:10:00.000-08:00

Please click here to read Part One.

Choosing impeccability is a fully conscious decision, a commitment you make to bring all aspects of your life into order, and is taken with seriousness, humility, discipline, compassion and a sense of self-effacing humor. Deeply self-honest inquiry into the nature of your existing personal worldview and how you assembled it is a pre-requisite. Of course, it's easier said than done as looking at the patterns, weaknesses and shadows that play over and over in our awareness like a stuck groove in a disk requires doing the work, and the ego generally resists at best and kicks and screams at worst. A wise approach is to begin with small steps and allow yourself to observe and monitor your thoughts and actions as an impersonal witness, making either mental notes or by what I call Process Journaling (highly recommended, as it allows you to step back from yourself a bit easier). Secondly, you incorporate constructive feedback from those whose observations you trust and respect, as we all have our blind spots and an outside point of view can be extremely helpful - as long as our egos don't react defensively.

As you attain small successes, you build upon that inner strength and accomplishment by creating new ways of living that don't keep you stuck in old patterns and away from more awakened states of consciousness. You start living life with a daily awareness as to what the mindful, impeccable choice in any given situation would be instead of reflexively falling back on self-destructive behaviors.

Remember to not to seek rewards or pats on the back simply because you have chosen to live an impeccable life.

As don Juan said:

"The self-confidence of the warrior is not the self-confidence of the average man. The average man seeks certainty in the eyes of the onlooker and calls that self-confidence. The warrior seeks impeccability in his own eyes and calls that humbleness."

Choosing impeccability is choosing the right thing to do in every moment even if you think nobody notices. Trust me, it will be noted where it matters.

As A. Hameed Ali states so clearly:

"When you are really impeccable, that’s it. It’s not as if you’re looking for truth because truth will lead you someplace, to something else. No. You are dedicated to the truth because the truth is truth. It is the same thing with impeccability."

As mentioned in an earlier blog post, one way to constantly reality check yourself is to simply ask in any personal challenge or dilemma you face:

"If this were my last moment on earth, is this how I would want to behave?"

Here are some suggestions to meditate upon:

> Instead of hitting the booze, or running to the freezer to consume a pint of Ben and Jerry's or maxing out your credit card when you are feeling stressed or sad, choose a different response that is reflective of proactive inner strength instead of reactive self-indulgence.

> If/when your first response to being cut off in traffic is to scream obscenities, choose to take calm, deep breaths and remember that screaming at a bad driver does nothing but get you upset.

> If/when you think you can pull off a lie because you know you won't get caught, always remember you can't pull a fast one on the spiritual level.

> If/when you succumb to the blame game instead of taking personal responsibility for your part in any given situation, know this is spiritually immature behavior.

> If/when you find yourself thinking you are "special" and above others, and come off as yet another flavor of elitist-thinking fundamentalism, get over yourself and do some anonymous selfless service.

> Instead of ingesting toxic substances like cigarettes, dangerous drugs, too much alcohol, junk and processed foods, honor and respect your body and treat it accordingly.

> Wherever you see imbalance or excessiveness in any area of your life, work to bring about equilibrium.

> If/when you realize you have hurt others by your actions or words, immediately go make amends and stop living a life you have to defend or apologize for all the time.

> If/when you find yourself beating yourself up - or indulging in false humility - just stop it. Seriously. Enough.

> If/when you find yourself trying to seek approval from outside sources for everything you do, work on developing healthy self-worth.

> If/when you simply accept what any person or group says without carefully pondering if it is truthful and valid, take time to investigate and own your own mind.

> If/when you find yourself primarily thinking about what you want and need in a relationship, put on the other person's shoes.

> If/when you find yourself compulsively attracted to getting caught up in cheap, petty dramas, ask yourself what are you getting out it?

> If/when you find yourself making really great excuses as to why something won't work so you won't even try, consider taking the risk anyway.

> Let the fact that there are no guarantees as to how much time you have on Earth wipe out any indulgent pride or grudges or notions that you are right and they are wrong and "its up to them to make the first move" attitudes you are self-righteously holding on to which will ultimately make you have to live with regret - because all of a sudden it's too late. Instead of bitching and moaning about how awful things are, go out and be the change you wish to see in yourself and in the world. Lead by positive example no matter how big your sphere of influence is.

As A. Hameed Ali suggests:

"It is not to be perfect but to do your best, to act according to all the wisdom, all the understanding, all the experience, all the awareness, all the will that you have."

Integrity means living with wholeness and interconnection, and understanding that none of us is perfect, and never will be – so choose to bring more humanity, compassion and empathy into your life. Focus on working toward being your best possible Self from this moment forward, and live it gently, strongly, honestly and courageously with all you've got.

If you ever find yourself trying to be perfect, try being impeccable instead – it's actually much easier and possesses greater integrity … and won't drive you crazy and annoy everyone you come in contact with. :)

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Integrity and Impeccability: Part One

2011-12-27T10:00:00.000-08:00

Note: This two-part post is a revision of a column I wrote in February 2008. Part Two: "Choosing Impeccability" will be posted on 12/28/11.

"Integrity" has become a popular, often-overused buzzword in recent years, and yet many people don't know what it really means.

One of the subset definitions of integrity I like very much is "impeccability." At first glance, it is easy to mistake the concept of impeccability with the impossible goal of being perfect, but they are vastly different in that anyone who seeks perfectionism generally comes from an egoic-centered place, and the one whose goal is impeccability comes from an exceptionally humble place.

Impeccability – and integrity - are about living a life of conscious, accountable choice, always aware that none of us is certain how much time we have on this planet, and that every moment, every thought, every communication, every action matters in terms of our own personal evolution in the time we're given in this incarnation – and not lazily assuming if we don't get it together in this lifetime, we can put it off until the next one. It is a life lived where we acknowledge our imperfect human-ness, and mistakes are quickly owned up to and corrections and amends are made simply as a code of honorable behavior, as there is no room for egoic justification or weak self-defense when fully embracing the path of inner transformation.

I first heard the concept of impeccability over thirty years ago when I began reading the books written by Carlos Castenada that recounted his apprenticeship with a Yaqui Indian shamanic teacher named don Juan Matus. Although some claim don Juan was simply a fabrication, Castenada's writings about the nature of authentic, compassionate, spiritual warriorship hold valuable lessons on how to navigate our way in our life's journey. At the time, don Juan's teachings went way over my head, but were always something I returned to repeatedly as I gained awareness about how we show up in the world is a direct reflection of our degree of awakened understanding, and Castenada's books are highly recommended.

Distilling impeccability down to its essence, don Juan said to Carlos:

"Impeccability is nothing but the proper use of energy."

Exquisitely stated, and deceptively simple. It is layered in subtle complexities due to the nature of the mental interpretations and personal agendas of the individual. For instance, as we saw illustrated in the Star Wars saga, the bottom line choice is on what side of the Force one wishes to attain mastery, as all the characters sought impeccability in each dimension of their chosen warrior expressions, demonstrating one can become a master of white or black magic depending on what road they choose. In the context of choosing the light side of existence, we will look at what is "proper" use of energy.

As we grow in both collective and personal consciousness we see that is unwise to waste energy, which means not wasting time, knowledge, gifts and talents we've been given, nor taking advantage of or for granted people and resources. For the spiritual warrior, death is the constant reference point that keeps the ego in check.

As don Juan said:

"A warrior must learn to make every act count, since he is going to be here in this world for only a short while, in fact, too short for witnessing all the marvels of it."

Impeccability is about paying attention to what is going on all around us, and not being lazy on any level. It is not deluding ourselves with the ignorant narcotic notion that there are choices without consequence, and owning the fact that denial and blame are useless and ultimately rather petty. Impeccability does not allow us to be self-involved or self-indulgent and carry on as victims or entitled spoiled brats. It is the framework for a life lived with constantly mindful self-discipline and inner strength, because, as I have stated many times before, it is not enough to have knowledge or good intentions.

The words of teacher A. Hameed Ali reflect the many dimensions of living a life of impeccability:

"Choosing to be an impeccable warrior means choosing to be a person, choosing to be a responsible adult, instead of being your mother’s baby. There is dignity in it; you are your own person, your life is your responsibility and you always have the choice to do your best. Impeccability can be in action, in feeling, in thinking. Impeccability can be in terms of the will, in terms of the mind, in terms of the heart."

In other words, it is an all-encompassing focus on aligning yourself with who you wish to be and what you wish to reflect back into the world on a consistent basis. Living impeccably means there is no gap between what you project to believe and how you act, as there is no room for hypocrisy whatsoever. It means being a person of your word, and someone that can be counted on to always show up with integrity no matter what the situation.

Living with impeccability is a doorway to freedom from the small self.

As don Juan said:

"The only freedom warriors have is to behave impeccably. Not only is impeccability freedom; it is the only way to straighten out the human form."

Living with the light side of impeccability and the accompanying proper use of your energy is a choice only you can decide to make. And you can't do it when you "feel" like it; otherwise there is no impeccability whatsoever.

Tomorrow, Part Two: Choosing Impeccability.

© Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

The Present of The Present

2011-12-21T07:57:00.000-08:00

I vividly recall the day I bought Ram Dass' now classic book, [Remember] Be Here Now right after I saw it in the window of a local bookstore in autumn of 1971, a square, purple tome with tall white lettering, and a mandala of sorts with an empty chair at its epicenter. I was a fifteen year old hippie teenager, and had been reading books on Eastern spiritual and mystical practices for several years, but this book was from a totally different plane because it was heavily flavored with psychedelic-speak due to Ram Dass' explorations with LSD during that time period. The book oozes acid-trippiness and free-form spiritual jazz, and yet its core message was as both deep and simple then as it is today: do your best be mindfully awake and aware in every present moment, as that is all that exists; the past is gone and the future hasn't happened yet.

What is unfortunate is that many of us take for granted that because we are alive in this moment, we will also be alive in the next one … and the next, and the next, and the next. We have too much on our minds and on our plates to be constantly aware that any given moment can (and eventually will) reflect our last act this body, in this place. It's just too depressing and morbid to have that fact added on top of all else we are dealing with. However, if we can learn how to frame our lives, moment-by-moment, with that underlying awareness without depression and morbidity accompanying it, (perhaps) we can more clearly see the present as a present and honor it with both grateful reverence and strong conscientiousness.

Back in the early '70s when I was reading Be Here Now, I was also reading Carlos Castenada's books for the first time, and one of the things that stood out for me then was how Carlos' mentor, don Juan Matus discussed death. He wrote in Journey to Ixtlan:

"The thing to do when you’re impatient is to turn to your left and ask advice from your death. An immense amount of pettiness is dropped if your death makes a gesture to you, or if you catch a glimpse of it, or if you just have the feeling that your companion is there watching you."

By bringing mindfulness deliberately to our daily lives, we can purposefully embrace its ability to re-mind us to drop our pettiness (plus its dark behavioral allies), as well as our tendency to take life for granted. We can also choose to be more consciously aware that everything we do, no matter what the arena is and no matter who the people within it are – every scenario is an integral, interconnected part of our everyday, eyes open mindfulness practice.

Being that we celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas this week by giving gifts to our loved ones, seeing the present in the present is a gift we can give to ourselves. Consciously doing our best to choose to treat each moment of our lives with the grateful reverence and strong conscientiousness they are worthy of, as we never know which one will be our last is worthy of re-minding ourselves us. Here is a simple question we can ask ourselves that will bring us back to mindful attention of this reality:

"Knowing the choices I make in each moment today could frame my last act on Earth, what will I choose for them to be?"

Wishing you joy and peace this holiday season.

© Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfulness and Trust

2011-12-13T08:19:00.000-08:00

Trust is perhaps the most important, sacred dynamic in every relationship, both personal and professional, and if broken, is often impossible to repair without a trace of the cracks in the foundation. Continuous cycles of the betrayal of another person's trust, followed by profuse apologies, only to see that pattern continue over and over again, will eventually wear out even the most patient and forgiving individual. As we get older, past hurts can make it difficult to grant trust to someone new, but on the flip side we have a basic need to trust that began from the moment we were born. This internal struggle can result in a multitude of secondary reactions when we attempt to bridge the chasm between the two.

Although the subject of trust is too vast to cover in one short discussion, in terms of bringing mindfulness into the mix, I'll offer some aspects to help focus your attention upon self-responsibility and what we all can do to increase our own trustworthiness in our relationships with others. What is crucial to comprehend, that in terms of mindfully cultivating trust between ourselves and another individual or group of people, our good intentions are not enough. Because of the fragility inherent in asking someone to take the risk to offer his or her trust, it must be treated with extreme reverence, for once it is lost, it may never be returned back to us.

Trustworthiness has many flavors, and here are six to reflect upon:

Mindful Honesty is communicating the plain, unsullied Truth, both verbally and non-verbally, which thereby can establish trust in the minds and hearts of others. Honesty implies a lack of deceit (intentional or not), and includes not lying directly or by omission, not committing fraud, plagiarism or cheating in any manner or form toward self and others.

Mindful Dependability demonstrates the reliability of a person toward others by proving they can be consistently be counted upon for exhibiting a variety of honorable behaviors toward self and others.

Mindful Authenticity is the degree to which one is legitimately who and what they claim to be, regardless of the circumstances they are in or the company they are with. It means no disparity or phoniness between what they believe internally and how they act and behave externally; possessing responsibility for undisputed credibility and accuracy toward self and others.

Mindful Honor demonstrates a person's ethical character: whether or not the person's thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors reflect honesty, respect, integrity, character, impeccability, dignity and fairness toward self and others.

Mindful Loyalty is the act of transparent, unbroken allegiance, faithfulness, true-heartedness, and homage toward self and others.

Mindful Conscientiousness includes behaving with an unwavering guiding commitment to a sense of right and wrong, standards, values, ethics, principles and scruples toward self and others.

We all value trustworthiness in others; to be mindful that we transparently live its principles ourselves is how we can lead by example within our sphere of influence.

© Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindful, Intelligent Optimism

2011-11-30T12:07:00.000-08:00

When times are tough, it's often difficult to muster up a sense of optimism regarding our present and future. When the weight of our personal circumstances is also compounded by tough times in the lives of our loved ones – and the suffering by humanity as a whole – the raw realities can make embracing hopefulness feel like an impossible request.

But it is during times like these when genuinely expressing mindful, intelligent optimism is essential to both our overall well-being, and also to allow ourselves to be open to possibilities we may not have thought of when we are caught in the maze of hopeless despair. Not that we must sprinkle glitter and pour pink paint over reality and "put on a happy face" when it's the last thing we may authentically want to do. Nor must we adopt a faux-Pollyanna "everything is rosy" attitude – or even embrace the simplistic, but not always easily executed concept of "positive thinking." Mindful optimism also does not attempt to forcefully push away any and all negative thoughts, but it does consider how much power we allow them to have on our overall state of mind.

Mindful optimism is not about denying what is going on in our lives; in fact, as Byron Katie teaches so eloquently in her self-inquiry process called The Work, sometimes reality just is what it is, and arguing against it won't ever bring you peace of mind or heart. Neither will attempting to deny or distort it to suit your comfort level and/or desires simply because you want reality to be different than what it is in the present moment. That doesn't mean it can't or won't change.

Mindful, intelligent optimism is actually a proactive, deliberate approach to life, and posits that even in the midst of personal turmoil and overwhelming crisis, we are at choice as to how to interpret what is happening to and around us, and also how we will choose respond. Whatever is happening in your life, in the present moment, offers you the opportunity to make more mindful choices … and to be empowered to begin to shift present realities forward in a more positive manner. Know that some of the greatest gifts we can receive are often borne from challenge and adversity – but only if we allow ourselves to be open to that possibility.

An article published in the January 2005 issue of the French magazine Psychologies offered the following:

"Intelligent optimists don't deny problems, they adjust to them while still seeking an opportunity for progress. Intelligent optimists don't allow themselves to get carried away by circumstances they can't change. They instead focus on things within their grasp, and that they can enjoy.

"Intelligent optimists also know that for every problem there is (at least the beginning of) a solution, and that the search for that solution can be inspirational in itself. They are also not afraid of negative thoughts, which they realize offer some protection and help them stay realistic."

But visualizing or imagining a brighter future is not necessarily a bad idea – as long as it is tempered by mindful, intelligent moderation in our expectations.

In 2007, researchers at New York University pinpointed neural networks in the brain that help generate feelings of optimism. NYU psychologist and neural scientist Elizabeth Phelps published the study's findings in the journal Nature. What they discovered could lead to a deeper understanding of depression, which is often characterized by the inability to imagine a brighter future for oneself. "A moderate optimistic illusion can motivate adaptive behavior in the present toward a future goal, and has been related to mental and physical health," Phelps and her colleagues concluded in their study.

Whether you believe in God or not, the positive brain chemistry changes that result from mindful meditation, prayer and other contemplative practices is being extensively researched and documented by scientists and physicians. A March 27, 2009 Washington Post article by Andrew Newberg, MD, and Mark Waldman, coauthors of How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings by a Leading Neuroscientist states:

"The simplest forms of relaxation and prayer - many of which only take a few minutes to do -- can enhance personal faith and hope, and this releases powerful neurotransmitters that increase your sense of alertness, clarity, consciousness, and peacefulness. This, in turn, accounts for the physical, psychological, and cognitive benefits of contemplative spiritual practices. One of the new studies we report on show how a simple meditation practice can change the brain and improve memory. We are now using our findings to improve communication between doctors and patients, with couples attempting to resolve relationship conflicts, and with students who are attempting to improve their grade-point average on tests. By providing practical applications of this research, everyone has the potential to enhance the way their brain and mind work."

Let me repeat their words: "… many of which only take a few minutes to do." That's the beauty of mindfulness practice. It doesn't take hours of formal practice every day. Positive shifts in our brain chemistry can take place by practicing for fifteen or twenty minutes at a time – but I will underscore that means minutes every day.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Making Mindful Choices

2011-11-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

"There may be a thousand little choices in a day. All of them count."

Those two sentences, written by Shad Helmstetter in his book Choices published over twenty years ago, were two of the most influential statements I've ever read, and from that day onward over the past two+ decades, have become one of the predominant themes in my writing and teaching about living mindfully every day. This book taught me there are no insignificant choices in terms of the impact they have upon both us and the people we come into contact with, try as we might to negate that fact. This book lead me to understand the inarguable importance of personal transparency, and that our walk must match our talk if we are to live with integrity, impeccability and credibility (all core components of deliberate mindfulness) in all areas of our life - reflected by and how we show in the world up in the present moment.

Helmstetter is known mostly from his teaching about the power of self-talk, and his bestseller What To Say When You Talk To Yourself is a classic in the self-help genre. Unfortunately, Choices is no longer in print, although you can find used copies online. Helmstetter was he was a pioneer in recognizing that we can reshape our brains by how we choose to use our minds regardless of our age and past mental programming, a process called self-directed neuroplasticity, which from my experience is akin to both deliberate, proactive mindfulness and mindful self-hypnosis.

He writes in Chapter Five what I came to passionately advocate as well: that mindful attention, commitment and repetition over time helps to ensure lasting positive change by creating and fortifying new and more productive neural pathways in the brain:

"Old programs may stand in your way when you decide to choose. But your choice - your strong, determined choice - is in itself a program that has exceptional power and strength in the chemistry of the mind.

"Make the choice. Not just once but every moment of every day. Keep making the choice. Give yourself a non-stop diet of positive, powerful programs of choice.

"In the past, when you have allowed your own programming to take off on its own, the best you could do is hope for fortune or luck to be on your side now and then. But that's not how the brain works."

Helmstetter also wrote in Choices:

"It is only when you exercise your right to choose that you can also exercise your right to change."

In the introduction to the book, Helmstetter tells the parable of identical twin brothers named Naci and T'naci who were orphaned at birth, and given to the childless king and queen to be raised. Their birth mother left them on the steps of the royal palace and also included two identical sets of twelve cards she'd carefully hand written to her sons. When the twins were twenty years old, the king and queen (who'd raised them lovingly and gratefully) gave both of them their set of cards, each of which included a specific challenge, as well as two choices that accompanied each task. The boys' mother had also composed the following message:

"This is the only gift, beyond my love for you, that I can give you. Take it, and when it is time, use this gift to create the life I would have wished for you."

Naci choose to take this gift of challenges to heart every day in every situation, and T'naci chose to ignore them. I'll let you figure out which one became successful in life, and which one didn't - and who was granted the throne when both his adoptive father and mother passed on the torch of such an honorable position as the benevolent and conscientious leader of their people.

Regardless of what has happened to you in the past, what is happening in the present, and what will happen in the future - you are always at choice as to how you will respond to it. Even if we previously chose in ways that were not productive and/or had a harmful affect on both the people we come into contact with as well as ourselves, we can always choose to begin again from this moment forward.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfulness and the First Attention

2011-11-17T08:44:00.000-08:00

I studied with a teacher in the mid-80s who taught us to keep our "feet on the ground and our head in the clouds." He said the more time we spent in meditative practices, the "tighter" our physical life had to be, otherwise we could drift along in the world unbalanced. He insisted his students possess what shamans call a strong tonal or "first attention": maintain a healthy lifestyle and positive relationships, be responsible and productive in our careers/jobs and educational endeavors, keep our automobiles and our living and working areas clean and clutter-free, our personal grooming impeccable, our bills paid on time, etc. Many of his teachings were derived from those of Carlos Castaneda's teacher don Juan Matus, laid forth in a series of books Castenada penned before he passed away in 1998.

Having the first attention aspect of consciousness strongly developed also means broadening your intellectual capacities. Possessing a strong mind allows you to gain more benefits and insights from the non-physical energy realms that include your meditation practice (all of which don Juan called the nagual or "second attention") that can be integrated into everyday life. The stronger your logical mind is, the stronger your intuitive mind can be as well – but again, balance is the key.

A strong sense of non-ego-driven self-identity and radical self-honesty is imperative as well, because not all who play in the second attention world of energy are doing so with honorable or humble intentions. Many are attracted to the darker strands of energy and the misuse and abuse of power, and others naively get caught up in their seductive web if they have not done loads of inner-self refinement work.

Temptations are everywhere, from both without and within; and as long as your ego is a dominant force, you are vulnerable even to things you thought you'd never do. Know that as pure as your desires may be, we all have our dark side, and until we have greater mastery over the ego's folly, it can rise up and play tricks on our sensibilities. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is a darkness-impermeable mind. The more subtle the dark energy is, the more insidious it is and can multiply to where it becomes a highly contagious virus of the heart and mind, adversely impacting both you and all you come into contact with.

One of the areas we can get snagged in has to do with falling into the trap of elitism.

If you still run internal mental programs of feeling "above" someone else because you think you're "more spiritual" or your religious or contemplative practice is "superior," or that the courses you've taken or the academic letters behind your name makes you "better educated" than they are (blah-blah-blah), if you act entitled to have whatever you want just because you desire it, express jealous competitiveness and self-righteous, malicious judgment, play all sorts of manipulation games, are untrustworthy and shun accountability, etc., you are playing with darker, highly infectious energies. Even some of the most popular teachers out there will appeal to your ego by faux "light-washing" your brain with warm and fuzzy platitudes – but if you're hanging around in the devil's playground you're just fooling yourself.

The cool thing about deliberate, proactive mindfulness is that if you really want to utilize it to its fullest transformative capabilities, it can take you there – as long as you are willing to practice some compassionate tough love on yourself and just get on with it. Mindfulness is not about partialities, nor is it something we can compartmentalize to practice when and where we feel like it. Picking and choosing what we want to look at about ourselves based upon our comfort zones will never allow us to access its potential for weaving greater wholeness and a deeper sense of human-ness into our lives. But regardless of how deeply you want to work - if your first attention is a sloppy mess it will create enough distractions and energy drains that dog-paddling in the water of your stagnant status quo will be all you're really able to focus upon.

So if you've been living with a wobbly first attention and are ready to take control of your life and run a tighter and more attentive ship both inside and out, first extend forgiveness and self-compassion inwardly for all the ways and times you didn't treat your inner and outer life with the respect and honor it is worthy of, and make a commitment to yourself to now choose differently, with a greater sense of determination about being mindful about every aspect of your existence, from this moment forward.

© Suzanne Matthiessen, innerevolution media

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindful Communication and e-Correspondence

2011-11-10T09:06:00.000-08:00

Since Mindful Communication is one of the areas I specialize in, I am acutely sensitive to this subject in all areas of human interaction. The lack of clear and attentive communication is one of the most detrimental human dynamics that will damage both personal and business relationships, sometimes permanently.

The main tenets of mindfulness apply to how we correspond in the computer communication age just as much as they do when we are face-to-face. In fact, they may be even more crucial. Since more and more people are opting out of the higher touch of making a phone call to a person, and instead relying on emailing, texting and/or posting on a person's social networking accounts, some of these tenets are not being given the priority these deserve – and need to be given.

When the human voice is not involved, we lose tone and inflection, and comments are easily misunderstood. A playful line of text may be perceived as offensive. An important point may lose its impact. An expression of upset may be taken as an attack. Emoticons and font styling, although used to replace tone and inflection, often do not help to humanize e-correspondence.

As big as the above miscommunication issue is, there is an even more crucial aspect of e-correspondence that must be brought to light. So many people just "skim" an email to find the most relevant points to them – in part, because they are usually multi-tasking, and in part, because people are becoming trained to communicate in Twitter-ese: 140 characters or less. They mentally "check out" with larger passages, and their attention span is only tuning in to abbreviated sound or text bytes. This is a very bad sign in my opinion. Verbosity can indeed be cumbersome to read when one is busy, but important substantive communications are being lost. (If you're still with me without checking out, I thank and commend you!)

Multi-tasking is being proven again and again to not be something to brag about. Studies are showing that less gets accomplished and quality suffers when we are not entirely present to each task in front of us. And if we are often somewhere else when a person is actually speaking to us, this lack of presence means our e-correspondences will suffer even more. I can't even tell you how many times I have asked someone a question in an email – an important question – and they don't answer it. So then I have to ask again, raising frustration and wasting time and energy. All this because the person is not present to what is in the email, and not giving the person who sent it their undivided attention. Granted, not all emails contain very important questions, comments or ideas that require feedback, but certainly many business ones do.

The fact that people are very busy and don't have the time to e-correspond with attentiveness to the impact their text-only communication may have upon the recipient is also a growing problem. Dashing something off may come off as curt and insensitive, even when that is not the sender's intention. If we are relying on this form of communication as our default, placing ourselves in the other person's shoes is not something we can ignore doing; that is, if we truly want to be mindful in every aspect of our lives, and not just where it is easier to do so.

Timeliness in responding to e-correspondences demonstrates respect for the sender's time and concerns. Do your best to respond within a 24-hour window or less, and take a person's need for a quick response as important as the requests you make for the same need. Put an "out of office" auto-responder on your emails when you are going to be away, and if possible, provide an alternate contact. Life and emergencies happen when we are not reachable, so think ahead. If you're waiting for a response to an email you've sent, be patient and give that person a 24-hour window before you compulsively react because you haven't heard back from them.

As we grow in our mindfulness practices, and therefore become more aware regarding that we lead and teach others by the examples expressed in our thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors, there must be increasing transparency and ownership, as mindfulness is not something we can compartmentalize. We can never assume people are hearing things as we think they should be, and we can never assume that what people are trying to tell us is how we interpret it to be – especially in e-correspondences.

So please, be mindful when it comes to human interaction via e-correspondence. Be present, clear, sensitive, timely and patient, and you will avoid many unnecessary human conflicts, frustration and stress. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. If you don't understand something, ask questions to receive clarification. Be open to other people's questions. There are no stupid questions; in fact not asking and then doing the wrong thing can actually make you look less intelligent in the long run.

Better yet, pick up the phone and talk to people as often as possible. The extra time it takes in the moment may save a lot more time, energy – and relationships - in the future.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfully Letting Go of Mental and Emotional Dead Weight

2011-11-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

Mindfulness teaches us to become increasingly engaged in the present moment, and not allow distressing past situations or events to keep us endlessly dragged down by their mental and emotional dead weight. Although it is wise to not live with total pie-in-the-sky delusion and to maintain a healthy sense of realism in terms of what has come before may indeed influence what is both current and what will be, many people allow the scars of the past to remain unhealed for what they rationalize, justify or excuse as legitimate reasons to keep them open that unfortunately can create on-going paralysis and self-perpetuated misery. As I discussed in my November 2008 Living Mindfully column "Mindfulness and Addiction," attachment to pain and misery is often just as common as addiction from pain and misery.

"Many people struggle with an addiction to creating anxiety, pain and suffering in themselves and others, and the payoff they receive (even if it’s negative), including engaging in: approval/attention seeking, denial, verbal and psychological abuse/bullying, justification, pathological lying, blame, victimhood, gossip, attracting “exciting” yet harmful people into their lives, petty drama, control/power, etc. These shadow behavioral addictions, that become ingrained in our internal operating system and neural pathways in the brain, are often the foundation of the more blatant addictions that are being openly discussed in today’s confessional environment about vulnerability to drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, etc. I’ve written about these patterns for years in this column, including their addictive quality – but because they are more difficult to create space around in order to effectively transcend them, resistance to doing so has remained high, and looking deeply into the mirror is avoided at all costs. Unfortunately, those costs can include the crumbling of marriages, families, friendships, careers and health."

That pain and misery is self-perpetuated in how we talk to ourselves. All the mindfulness-oriented teachers who are worth their two cents agree with what Pema Chodron said in a retreat at Shambala Mountain Center several years ago:

"I'm just going to make a blanket statement, and then it will probably be a subject of a lot of conversation: There's no way to stay stuck in misery without talking to yourself about it."

The mindfulness-based approach to managing the voices and events of the past that keep spinning 'round in our brains is not about trying to control, dialogue with, or suppress them, as that often strengthens this negative, painful experience rather than diminishing it. Mindfulness helps us to at first begin to let go of, and with practice and strengthening those new neural pathways of response, transcend them altogether and be done with the spin cycle once and for all. This approach involves practicing intentionally, without self-judgment, noticing and observing when you automatically start to drift into negative mental rehashing and buying into negativity, and then calmly, deliberately redirecting your attention back to the present, to right here, right now.

It may be helpful to consider this approach in terms of linking these unproductive mental patterns to an obnoxious radio or television talk show host. Visualize or imagine that the negative mental and emotional spin and misery-producing self-talk rooted in old baggage that suddenly arises into your mind as coming from the most annoying talk show host you've ever heard, who is encroaching upon your personal space, shouting and spewing their bad energy right at you.

The skill in mindfulness is not so much about trying to turn the talk show host in your brain off in annoyed or angry reaction, but changing the way you listen, absorb and process the input. With deliberate mindfulness as your ally, you can first turn down the volume, and with practice, calmly change the channel. By first working on reducing the volume, the disruption and stress levels are toned down simultaneously. You won't argue with the barrage as reflexively, and you won't let it get the best of you. The mental and emotional garbage running around your brain may still roar at you while you're creating new grooves of mental response, but you have now intentionally chosen how much dominance you will give to their noise level. Eventually, with focused practice, it will lose its power over you.

Remember that mindfulness is not about quick fixes and "instant enlightenment." It is a daily, lifelong practice of inner refinement that honors the fact you are human, make mistakes and sometimes need to begin again – and that with self-compassion, courage, humility and patience, slowly and steadily you will gain graceful equilibrium and can take the wheel of the ship of your life in a natural, unforced manner.

A mindfulness-based approach to letting go of mental and emotional dead weight includes these three components:

Recognition/Ownership/Awareness: Until we recognize, own and become consciously aware we are holding on to a bunch of mental and emotional dead weight that is unproductive and even harmful to ourselves and others without self-judgment of that reality, we'll remain stuck in the perpetual spin cycle it creates and continue our battle. Letting go and moving forward unencumbered will remain something we feel is unattainable; as I say all the time, radically self-honest recognition is the first step toward liberation.

Inspired Motivation: People only do what they want to do. Although part of our process of inner change is done for the positive impact it has upon those who our lives come into contact with, the bottom line is you have to do this for yourself, and do it authentically; otherwise, as soon as you hit even a minor stumbling block, you'll just give up. Inspiration must feed your motivation at all times, even when it gets tough.

Committed, Patient Pro-action: Know that you can't expect to heal all those old deep wounds and create new pathways of productive response in your brain overnight, in one weekend, or even one month. The process is often in small steps, building success by repetition and perseverance, as well as engaging in patience and kindness toward yourself in the process. You can't beat old habits and patterns into submission as they will rise again. Healing and transcendence is the goal here. That may mean you will take a few steps forward, and then fall back a step – but the commitment is to choose to do without beating yourself up about it, and get up and begin again. It is a process, and the only way you can possibly fail is choosing to give up. But if you're reading this, it's highly unlikely you're going to do that – you've picked yourself up and began again more than once, and you can do it again, and again, each time with more insight and purposefulness than before.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfulness as An Art Form

2011-10-31T08:42:00.000-07:00

The full intention of daily mindfulness practice is to build (with commitment, time and repetition) an ever-increasing sense of even-tempered, alert, focused awareness rooted in compassion, empathy, courage, bravery and kind goodwill toward humanity at large, both when our eyes are closed in structured meditation practice and when they are open in the meditation that is everyday life. It is much easier to connect to this level of equanimity during formal meditation sessions when we are in control of our contained environment. However, once our eyes open and we step out into the world, our ability to keep the hot, cold and lukewarm of interactive human dynamics at our bidding is futile; therefore it is we who must be in charge of our responses to those variations. A teacher who I studied with in the mid-80s said something that always stuck with me: The fact that it is easy to attain a sense of inner nirvana whilst living isolated in the Himalayas. The true test however was being able to have that same sense of inner balance while driving on the Los Angeles freeways during rush hour traffic.

Although none of us may be able to fully attain 24/7/365 evenness during our lifetime, we can gain a fair amount of ground toward this capability with our intentional focused practice of deliberate, proactive mindfulness when our eyes are either closed or open - in the quietude of an idyllic sanctuary or within the throngs of a raucous crowd. For it to become the common thread in our everyday lives, in every situation, mindfulness must be practiced continuously, not just when we feel like it. We become progressively fluent in observing, paying attention to, and accepting all of life, not just the pretty pictures and the happy emotions – we notice the ebbs and the flows, the births and deaths, and all the ranges of changes in between them without grasping or running away from any of them.

Although we purposefully choose to be discriminating and protect ourselves from situations, behaviors, images, etc. that can harm or drain our energy, we don't do so by denying their existence or by extending volatile reactions; rather we work diligently to build immunity through conscious practice to develop the resilience to deflect them and quickly bounce back to our strong center of eye-of-the-hurricane awareness. It is an art that is constantly being refined every day we are alive.

The great artist Michelangelo once said, “In every block of marble I see a statue as plain as though it stood before me, shaped and perfect in attitude and action. I have only to hew away the rough walls that imprison the lovely apparition to reveal it to the other eyes as mine see it." The same goes for the person who wishes to get out of his or her own way via the practice of deliberate, proactive mindfulness. Bit by bit, moment by moment, you engage the tool of intentionally focused awareness to remove your own outer roughness in order to bring forth your inner equipoise and beauty.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfulness and Releasing the Past

2011-10-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

(Note: For each Friday Mindfulness Practice I lead for eMindful.com, I create a theme composed of a short opening talk, and then following the meditation section, I close with a corresponding visualization/affirmation. As these recorded practices are only archived for a short time, attendees have asked if obtaining transcripts is possible. Since I make notes to refer to, that is an easy request to fulfill - so I will occasionally post some of the themes here on the blog to share with anyone who might benefit from them.)

From 10/21/11:

Theme: Mindfulness and Releasing the Past

Often we can convince ourselves we know what to expect from a person, object or situation in the future based upon our experience with them - or it - in the past – regardless if the past was five years, five days, five hours or five minutes ago. It's normal to do this – and yet, this is how we can hold people, objects and situations captive in our minds and why it is so difficult to allow them to become someone or something else – whether it is someone or something we may like - or not.

For example: Your favorite meal that's been on a restaurant's menu for as long as you can remember was not there when you went to order it the other day, and you were upset because you expected it to always be on the menu. Your golf score has never been near the same league as the others in your foursome, but last week you beat everyone's score – yet you tell yourself it must have been a fluke, based upon your history.

Although the notion that "past behavior predicts future actions" can sometimes be accurate, none of us wants to be held captive to our past. Mindfulness teaches us to be fully in the present moment and be open to new possibilities and ways of seeing and experiencing others, ourselves, and all of Life.

So in today's practice, observe how sometimes you may automatically project history upon the present moment. There is no need for self-criticism about any of your thoughts by doing this practice; it is simply intended to teach you how to be more mindful about the power your thoughts have upon your state of mind … and getting a handle on where they could go before they cause undue suffering upon you or others.

(Mindfulness Practice section ... following the breath, progressive relaxation/body scan, releasing all past interpretations and projections about anyone or anything you find your awareness touching upon, letting it all go without any self-criticism for not always accepting that people and circumstances do change ... and not always in the ways we want them to ...)

Visualization/Affirmation

And with your eyes still closed and your breath even and rhythmic, take a few moments to visualize or imagine yourself bringing greater awareness to see how and when you may hold people, objects and situations captive in your mind, chained to the past … as well as yourself sometimes … and see clearly without self-judgment how sometimes you might automatically project history upon the present moment.

Visualize or imagine yourself from this moment forward perceiving everyone and everything you see in the present without automatically projecting how you saw or experienced them in the past … regardless if the past was five years, five days, five hours or five minutes ago … and experiencing a greater sense of clarity, openness, and possibility toward others as well as toward yourself. Also, allow yourself to accept that most people may never be exactly as we want them to be.

If you find yourself in a stressful situation today or ANY day, always know you can call upon your breath to help you to take a mindful, centering pause … to re-focus your attention, and to choose to thought-fully respond instead of compulsively react to anyone or any situation.

Visualize or imagine how the focused and calm state of mind you nurtured in today's practice positively influences every thought, every decision, every action, and every choice you will make today…

In closing I'd like to share a quote from leadership speaker and trainer Byrd Baggett:

“Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror. The past doesn’t have a future, but you do."  

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

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Twitter: @livemindfully

Innerevolutionary Mindfulness: Recognition Is Liberation

2011-10-18T07:39:00.000-07:00

There is often a tendency to resist looking deeply within, because radically honest self-inquiry can bring up aspects of ourselves and/or memories we don't wish to look at very closely. However, mindfulness in its deepest sense is about being present and aware of what's going on in any given moment, without and within. When we only focus upon aspects of ourselves that are comfortable to look at and don't challenge ourselves with the tougher reflections in the mirror, our opportunities for growth and transformation become very limited.

The innerevolutionary mindfulness practices I have taught for over a decade are intended to heighten your ability to pay better attention to what's happening in every moment, and again, that means being able to notice whatever inner dialogue may be accompanying any given outer situation. As we become more aware of what we are telling ourselves, we can become more mindfully empowered to be proactive (instead of reactive) regarding those thoughts, and how they influence our choices, behaviors and actions. This process is not always comfortable, yet it is essential if we are to break through our own status quo and any limiting and even destructive (to self and others) patterns we are running on perpetual auto-pilot. Purposefully observing how we approached our lives up until now, and deliberately creating new ways of thinking and living in the world mindfully takes time, repetition and commitment, so please don't be self-critical if you feel you aren't "getting it all down" as fast as you may desire. This isn't about "instant enlightenment" but rather becoming more awake and conscious as you move through your life, compassionately and courageously seeing and honestly owning your blind spots, mis-steps and mistakes and then choosing differently.

One of the core teachings from one of my favorite books, The Tibetan Book of the Dead is that recognition is liberation. Think about that phrase for a minute. You can be the source of your own emotional freedom when you allow yourself to see and own what is really going on within and without you without denial, excuses, justification, blaming others or any other escapist device.

I was first introduced to another one of my favorite books, A Course In Miracles (hereinafter referred to as ACIM) in the early 1980s. Although the "how" this book was conceived and "who" wrote it has been a constant source of debate, I have found this work to contain excellent teachings regarding the use of the mind: how we create what we are convinced is absolute reality simply by ingrained thoughts in our own heads based mainly on the past. We then allow these thoughts to create our present experiences and perceptions – even if they are negative and false. Choosing to think differently in the present moment is when miracles - (a "miracle" is defined in ACIM as shifting out of fear-based thinking) become possible.

As is written in the Preface to ACIM:

"The world we see merely reflects our own internal frame of reference – the dominant ideas, wishes and emotions in our minds. 'Projection makes perception' (text, p. 445). We look inside first, decide the kind of world we want to see and then project that world outside, making it the truth as we see it."

Most people believe what they want to believe, yet it is also true also that nothing means anything unless we decide it does. Deep, innerevolutionary mindfulness gives you the opportunity to let go of automatic projections and their related perceptions. This begins by to teaching your mind that you are at choice in terms of how you respond to any given situation in your daily life, and to mindfully begin to learn to not go into unconscious auto-pilot and fall back upon old, worn out and harmful mental programming. Our recognition of when we begin to do is the beginning of our liberation from doing so. This begins to take place naturally without strain or striving once you've created and strengthened new neural pathways in your brain by repetition and positive associations.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: Live Well – Live Mindfully
Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfully Communicating Without Violence

2011-10-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

I've met many people who describe themselves as non-violent and warm-spirited, and by and large, that is how they show up in the world. But not always. Stressful situations find them flying off the handle in a fit of rage in seconds flat – rage they feel is justified: the driver who cut them off or is driving too slow is a jerk, the politician whose views are opposite of theirs is an idiot, the teenager who didn’t turn off her cell phone at the movies is clueless. It's quite possible you've found yourself wearing these raging shoes once or more yourself; after all, many people are experiencing anxiety of one flavor or another in their high-pressured lives and feel a sense of powerlessness on occasion. Fuming at others who push their buttons (generally from a distance) is a quick form of release, and then the rest of time they are more civil and kind toward everyone else they encounter – so of course they wouldn't even consider themselves anything other than peace-loving.

Yet even the most pacifist people will respond with defensiveness, resistance, and counterattack when they or their loved ones are being threatened - it's part of our sympathetic nervous system's natural response. Although in some cases it can be understood in the short term, there are other methods of non-violent communication that can be more productive in the long run. Indulging in back-and-forth mudslinging never solves problems.

Overt violent communication towards another is hard to deny, but passive-aggressive communication is more insidious. I've observed the dark craft of manipulation and control of others via subtle guilt and/or fear inducing verbiage by lots of folks – including people who are convinced they are all "love and light" - while at the same time are knifing others in the back with a smile. The broad outer perception they create for most people to see is they are incapable of harming a fly, yet in fact they are jealous, insecure, selfish and cutthroat competitive.

Another form of subtly communicating with destructive energy is when people express superiority over another in terms of their political beliefs, socio-economic status, race, gender, education, religion … even coming off as "more mindful" than others communicates elitism and separation – neither of which fosters respectful co-existence. Energy, both beneficial and harmful, is contagious. When we absorb what is being espoused by sensationalistic hate-mongering talk show hosts, propagandists and political leaders (and they exist on both sides of every issue) without questioning them, we are more prone to their negative energy being passed on by us in our communications with others. And if we become numb to violent images on TV, in movies, music and video games, they actually become more acceptable to us. Any parent that allows their kids to listen to "gangsta" rap music than denigrates women and promotes violence (and a lot of it does) and are in denial about the impact of such vitriol may be dealing with similar behavior and hate speech being emulated by their own.

Then there's the violence people commit against themselves but don't even recognize it as such; ruthless self-flagellation when they make mistakes, fall short of a goal, disappoint people, etc. - inflicting themselves with inner-voice chastisement, punishment … and even self-hatred. Their loving exterior is merely a mask for their ongoing internal brutality.

Lastly, there's the really covert behavior of not treating yourself in a loving manner via consuming a low vibe, poor quality diet, ingesting known toxic substances but acting in denial about their effect, drinking too much alcohol, being a workaholic, not exercising your body or your mind and brain regularly, depriving yourself of adequate sleep, not taking time to meditate, etc.

Another form of not treating yourself with respect is allowing others to be abusive and draining to you physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually, and not saying "no" when it is appropriate – and necessary. Not expressing our feelings to someone who has upset us because we need their approval, love, money, etc. and instead choose to avoid conflicts and to "stuff it" leads to all sorts of problems – and it certainly doesn't need to be excused by thinking we are being "unconditionally loving" if in fact deep down we are seething and resenting that person. We all lead by example, and are at choice as to what we communicate to others, including how they should treat us and how we should treat ourselves. If we don't communicate self-respect – and transparently walk our talk – we are endorsing violence against ourselves, by our own hand as well as by others.

If you recognize yourself in any of these six forms of not mindful communication, take a deep breath. If others in your life instantly come to mind, take another deep breath ... and re-mind yourself to proactively create new neural pathways of choice to any situation that may trigger you into reacting in a deleterious (to self and others) manner.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

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Twitter: @livemindfully

Make Every Day New Year's Day

2011-10-04T09:10:00.000-07:00

In honor of the Jewish New Year I 'd like to share a column written by the late Ann Landers in (I believe) 1999. She wrote it for the "traditional" January 1 celebration of a New Year, but IMHO, this advice is something we can benefit from any day. In fact, if we follow it, we can make every day a Mindful New Year's Day.

Let this coming year be better than all the others. Vow to do some of the things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t find the time.

Call up a forgotten friend. Drop an old grudge, and replace it with some pleasant memories.
Share a funny story with someone whose spirits are dragging. A good laugh can be very good medicine.
Vow not to make a promise you don’t think you can keep.
Pay a debt.
Give a soft answer.
Free yourself of envy and malice.
Encourage some youth to do his or her best. Share your experience, and offer support. Young people need role models.
Make a genuine effort to stay in closer touch with family and good friends.
Resolve to stop magnifying small problems and shooting from the lip. Words that you have to eat can be hard to digest.
Find the time to be kind and thoughtful. All of us have the same allotment: 24 hours a day. Give a compliment. It might give someone a badly needed lift.
Think things through. Forgive an injustice. Listen more. Be kind.
Apologize when you realize you are wrong. An apology never diminishes a person. It elevates him.
Don’t blow your own horn. If you’ve done something praiseworthy, someone win notice eventually.
Try to understand a point of view that is different from your own. Few things are 100 percent one way or another.
Examine the demands you make on others.
Lighten up. When you feel like blowing your top, ask yourself, "Will it matter a week from today?"
Laugh the loudest when the joke is on you.
The sure way to have a friend is to be one. We are all connected by our humanity, and we need each other.
Avoid malcontents and pessimists. They drag you down and contribute nothing.
Don’t discourage a beginner from trying something risky. Nothing ventured means nothing gained. Be optimistic. The can-do spirit is the fuel that makes things go.
Go to war against animosity and complacency.
Express your gratitude. Give credit when it’s due - and even when it isn’t. It will make you look good.
Read something uplifting. Deep-six the trash. You wouldn’t eat garbage - why put it in your head?
Don’t abandon your old-fashioned principles. They never go out of style.
When courage is needed, ask yourself, "If not me, who? If not now, when?"
Take better care of yourself. Remember, you’re all you’ve got. Pass up that second helping. You really don’t need it. Vow to eat more sensibly. You’ll feel better and look better, too.
Don’t put up with secondhand smoke. Nobody has the right to pollute your air or give you cancer. If someone says, "This is a free country," remind him or her that the country may be free, but no person is free if he has a habit he can’t control.*
Return those books you borrowed. Reschedule that missed dental appointment. Clean out your closet. Take those photos out of the drawer and put them in an album. If you see litter on the sidewalk, pick it up instead of walking over it.
Give yourself a reality check. Phoniness is transparent, and it is tiresome. Take pleasure in the beauty and the wonders of nature. A flower is God’s miracle.
Walk tall, and smile more. You’ll look 10 years younger.
Don’t be afraid to say, "I love you." Say it again. They are the sweetest words in the world.
If you have love in your life, consider yourself blessed, and vow to make this the best year ever

*In regard to her comment on second-hand smoke, I'd just like to say that the bigger thought here is to be mindful of the impact you have upon everyone your thoughts, choices, actions and behaviors touch.

- Suzanne Matthiessen

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com
Facebook: LiveWell – Live Mindfully
Twitter: @livemindfully

Mindfully Clearing Mental Clutter

2011-09-20T15:51:00.000-07:00

So much is said in about the importance of creating aclutter-free outer environment and the positive energetic benefits of livingand working in clean and organized surroundings.

The same goes with how we use our minds, and whether we havelots of mental clutter that compulsively directs our choices and behaviors inan unproductive and self-absorbed manner. All the meditation we do is like afeather dusting if we don't bring in the heavy equipment of eyes wide-openradically honest self-inquiry and proactive mindfulness in order to replaceenergy depleting thought patterns with energy enhancing ones. But as you caneasily guess, the resistance to doing that degree of inner clutter excavationand disposal is even more difficult than the outer type.

One of my favorite teachers, the late Tibetan Buddhist masterChogyam Trungpa, said this: "We have a fear of facing ourselves. That isthe obstacle. Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is veryembarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that theyhope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. That isimpossible. We can't do that. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have tosee our gut, our excrement, our most undesirable parts. We have to see them.That is the foundation of warriorship, basically speaking. Whatever is there,we have to face it, we have to look at it, study it, work with it and practicemeditation with it."

Once we begin to clear away our mental junk, we create spacefor healthier fare that nourishes us our mind, body and heart. Positive mind control keeps us from spinninginto thoughts that will spiral us into pain and anguish within, as well as helpto safeguard us from acting out in neurotic, chaotic and often destructive waystoward self and others. Taming our cluttered mind is even more important thanorganizing the outer appearance of our lives; in fact, if we do not clear awaythe clutter between our ears, doing so in our outer environment alone willultimately fail.

A Course In Miracles states, "You achieve so little because you haveundisciplined minds." A major portion of the book is devoted to showing usthat we do havecontrol over our minds, and that our minds don't have to be running wild andvulnerable to a myriad of distractive influences. We can instead choose to seeit is truly possible to change how we think by engaging in consistent mindfulpractice to develop mastery over our habitual and non-productive thoughtpatterns.

For anyone who wants to see the outer world change, his orher inner world must concurrently be transformed, and be transformed again andagain. Playwright George Bernard Shaw said, "Progress is impossiblewithout change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot changeanything."

Mindfulness Exercise: Take an inner inventory of where youstill may be holding onto useless and even harmful mental clutter, and askyourself what the payoff is in keeping it around, positive or negative. Writeit all down in your journal without beating yourself up about it; simply viewit all with emotional detachment. Then go about your days with heightened,mindful awareness as to when you find yourself indulging in reactive anger, contempt-filled judgment, feeling superior, slipping into jealousy, self-criticism, worried frenzy,etc., as well as just plain old neurotic mental spinning to the point it makesyou feel frantic and out of control inside. Mindfully work to shift yourattention field away from chaos and into calm, using gentle, even breathing as a mentalre-setting tool. Be kind, gentle, and compassionate with yourself, as thispractice is not something you can master overnight, or even in one month. Butas you begin to build a calmer center day-by-day, thought-by-thought, you willbegin to know the transformative power of deep mindfulness.

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Blog: Living-Mindfully

Facebook: LiveWell – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

"What If ... ?"

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So much of our mental energy is expended asking this question.

What if I hadn't taken that job at XYZ Corporation –where would my life be now?

What if I move to Austin with my band and we end upbreaking up – then what?

What if I had lost the directions to the Claire's house andwe got lost and then got stuck in that blizzard because the car would have run out of gas?

What if I had only listened to my friends and said "yes" when Jerry asked me out?

What if the government had acted on the terroristintelligence?

What if my flight next month to visit my brother iscancelled because there might be a baggage handlers strike?

The thing about "What if's" is they don'texist. Not in the past, not in the future.

The past "What if's" are usually exercises infutility and frustration. Yet we persist, and in doing so, often cause our ownsuffering. We may also end up blaming those who made choices that adversely affected us - or even thelives of millions, as in the case of terrorist intelligence – yet we have noidea what would have happened if things had been different.

The future "What If's" can serve some purpose inplanning and being realistic about possibilities. But if we allow our fears tocompletely paralyze us from taking chances, we may end up looking back withthose remorseful "What Ifs". We may also close ourselves off fromdifferent and perhaps even better things arising if we go through Life withtunnel vision toward attaining just that one goal in one way. How many times have youactually been grateful you didn't getwhat you thought you wanted, or plans didn't go the way you thought they shouldhave, or people didn't do what they were "supposed to" do?

We all find ourselves considering the "What Ifs"in Life. It's human nature.

But "What If" here in the Now we decide to be more mindful andaware of where those thoughts take us? By being present enough to choose to keep mental suffering at bay (or atleast minimal!), perhaps we can change our experiences and interpretations towhere we can truly accept what happened (or didn't happen) in the past for whatever it is, and become open to more possibilitiesfor the future.

- Suzanne Matthiessen

Website: TheMind-BodyCoach.com

Facebook: LiveWell – Live Mindfully

Twitter: @livemindfully

Welcome to the Living-Mindfully Blog

2011-09-03T11:43:00.000-07:00

"No one 'owns' mindfulness. It's a gift that can be shared but never possessed. One must be careful when desiring to 'brand' mindfulness practices, as it can imply attached possessiveness and lead to 'I-me-mine' separation, non-mindful competition and elitism - none of which are found in the purest expression of living mindfully every day." - Suzanne Matthiessen

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Welcome to the re-opened Living-Mindfully Blog. :)

A new subscriber form will be added soon for those of you who would like to receive email notifications of new postings.

You are also cordially invited to join me on the Living-Mindfully companion sites: on Twitter @livemindfully as well as on my "Live Well - Live Mindfully" Facebook page for notifications of postings on the blog.

I am in the process of recording a series of complimentary "Living-Mindfully" talks and guided practices to be available for download in the near future. This blog as well as the above locations will post when these are released.

Also, please join me every Friday as I guide the free morning Mindfulness Meditation practice in the eMindful.com online classroom from 8:00 - 8:45 AM Eastern time. If you cannot attend at that time, each eMindful morning meditation is recorded and archived for later viewing about one week.

eMindful.com provides complimentary guided Mindfulness Meditation practice 365 days per year. Sessions are secular in nature. No prior meditation experience is required. please click here for more information.

Thank you so much for your continued support ...

Suzanne